What If We Don't Solve It
Thoughts on uncertainty, control, and the discomfort of not knowing.
TAYLOR BLACKBURN, LPCC
JUN 05, 2026
Lately, I’ve noticed a common theme showing up in session.
It doesn’t matter whether someone is struggling with anxiety, OCD, parenting stress, relationship challenges, or a big life decision.
We all seem to be asking the same question:
“How do I know?”
How do I know I’m making the right choice?
How do I know everything will be okay?
How do I know this won’t happen?
How do I know what comes next?
And honestly, I get it.
There is something incredibly uncomfortable about not knowing.
Most of us would rather have a difficult answer than no answer at all.
But what I’ve been noticing is that many people aren’t actually struggling with the situation itself. They’re struggling with the uncertainty surrounding it.
The Search for Certainty
When we’re anxious, our brains become really good at convincing us that certainty is just around the corner.
If we think about it enough.
Research it enough.
Ask one more person.
Replay the conversation one more time.
Check one more thing.
Maybe then we’ll finally feel settled.
The problem is that certainty rarely arrives the way we think it will.
Instead, we find ourselves stuck in a cycle of searching for an answer to a question that often can’t be answered right now.
And the harder we try to force certainty, the more anxious we become.
When Uncertainty Feels Like Danger
One thing I often explain to clients is that our bodies don’t always distinguish between uncertainty and danger.
When we don’t know what’s going to happen, our minds often treat the unknown like a threat.
Our thoughts speed up.
Our heart rate increases.
We feel restless, tense, and on edge.
Suddenly there’s an urgency to do something, anything, to make the feeling go away.
Maybe we seek reassurance.
Maybe we avoid.
Maybe we overthink.
Maybe we try to control every possible outcome.
The problem is that most uncertainty isn’t actually dangerous.
It’s uncomfortable.
But uncomfortable and dangerous are not the same thing.
A Therapy Tip I’ve Been Sharing Lately
Something I’ve found myself saying often in session is:
What if your job isn’t to solve the feeling?
What if your job is simply to notice that it’s there?
When uncertainty shows up, many of us immediately go into problem-solving mode.
We assume that because we’re uncomfortable, something must be fixed.
But sometimes there isn’t a solution to find.
Sometimes there is only a moment to move through.
I’ve been encouraging clients to experiment with a different question:
Instead of asking, “How do I make this feeling go away?”
Try asking:
“Can I make room for this feeling while I wait?”
It’s a small shift, but it changes everything.
A Personal Reflection
I wish I could tell you that I’ve completely figured out how to tolerate uncertainty.
I haven’t.
There are still moments when I want answers. Moments when I want clarity. Moments when I wish I knew exactly how things were going to unfold.
But what I’ve learned is that peace usually doesn’t come from finally getting certainty.
More often, it comes from trusting that I can handle not having it.
And those are two very different things.
A Thought to Carry With You
As you move through this month, notice where you’re searching for certainty.
Notice where you’re asking yourself to know something that simply can’t be known yet.
Then see if you can practice staying with the question a little longer.
Not forever.
Just a little longer.
Because sometimes growth isn’t found in finally getting the answer.
Sometimes it’s found in learning that you’ll be okay, even when the answer hasn’t arrived yet.
With care,
Taylor
Liminal Wellness Company
